Drug
by Lidsworth
Summary: Takaba reflects on his twisted relationship with Asami and comes to the chilling conclusion. Completed. Angst. Romance. Read & Review Please
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is just a small study from Takaba's P.O.V and one of my many takes on Takaba's relationships. It's a little angsty, so if you're here for fluff, you'll hate this and you'll hate me.**

**Summary: Takaba reflects on his twisted relationship with Asami.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Finder Series.**

Takaba didn't want this. It wasn't right. It was unhealthy.

This relationship_this drug he craved, this man he worshiped was killing him, and Takaba did nothing to stop it. He was a tool_a mere toy from the very beginning. And he knew it, and so did Asami.

The man released himself in Takaba, and Takaba allowed this all for the sake of pleasure. He inwardly chuckled as he lay beside Asami, his drug, his owner...he was never free, he'd never be free of this man.

He'd tried_oh, he'd tried, but like a stray kitten, he kept on coming back. And why, he had no idea. This wasn't what he wanted though, it was never what he wanted. Takaba wanted to be free, wanted to be happy. With Asami...he wasn't happy, with Asami he was competing amongst others to truly win the man's heart. Whether Asami knew how Takaba felt, whether Asami knew that Takaba felt suffocated by this luxurious lifestyle, Asami didn't show. He didn't care.

They picked at Takaba, they sought out his flaws, they sought out everything he wasn't.

Powerful...no.

Money…no.

Looks...well, yes, but they never helped him. His looks only got him into shitty situations that Asami had to bail him out of. He was an embarrassment in the underworld, he was nothing more than a pleasure toy and everyone knew it. They all believed he spread his legs for any rich man whom was begging to get some, and when he didn't do so willingly, they got what they wanted forcefully.

And what did they leave in their wake? A broken Takaba, a tainted Takaba...and Asami would save him, and he'd have sex with Asami, and he'd be caged again, and he'd be stolen again, and the cycle would continue and continue until Christ himself came to save Takaba from this exhausting lifestyle.

And for that, Takaba loathed Asami with every fiber in his being, he wanted the man dead, he wanted the man out of his hair. What began as rape blossomed into...into this twisted relationship, and night after night, Takaba was taken against his will, painfully and cruelly.

Had it not been for his own hormones, the entire ordeal would have been traumatic.

Would have been? It still was, and what sickened Takaba more than anything was the fact that he'd grown used to it, that he'd grown accustomed to this...to this monstrosity!

This wasn't who he was, this would never be who he was.

But Asami had taken his rights away from him, had caged him up against his will. He'd turned him against his friends, turned him against his family, and more importantly, he'd turned Takaba against himself.

Takaba wanted help, he needed help. But Asami denied him of that too.

Takaba didn't want this, he never wanted this. It wasn't right, and it wasn't healthy.

But he could do nothing to escape this life. So, perhaps death was his only option?

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**No one can tell me that their relationship isn't unhealthy, because honestly, it is. It started from rape, and escalated to this...with that being said, I do believe that Asami loves Takaba 100%, he just doesn't have a good way of showing it. I think they have communication issues, they don't go out together, they hardly speak to each other, must I go on! So, they need some real counseling, but Takaba needs therapy. Also, if you're going to leave a stupid review, please log in...and don't just leave "lame". Schools starting tomorrow, so my updates will be slow and lagging, i'm trying to get everything in today, including a new story, a new chapter of "Must be the Nargles," and "Here's to you Aki", so don't think I abandoned them. Also, check out Yamiga's stories, she's my sister. **

** Anyway, hope you liked this, Happy New Year, and God bless!**


	2. AN

AN: Sorry, no update. ):

I just wanted to address the lack of maturity i've seen from many of the reviews. Firstly, I know you're just one person spamming my story. Why? You don't alter your writing style at all, you begin your complaint with "You and your sister" or at least put that phrase somewhere in your review, you continuously bring up the fact that my writing is "bad" "unbelievable", etc, you choose stupid guest names to review my stories with_The list goes on and on.

Listen, if you don't like my story, save yourself the heartache and skip it. Fact is, there's enough people whom like my writing, so I write for them. I'm not going to completely stop because you can't stand angsty fics about touchy subjects. Yes, suicide is touchy. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be writing about it had I not had some sort of experience with it. Death is a touchy subject, I understand. Unfortunately, I would not be writing about it had I not had very personal experience with it. Sad fact is, I do. Not only that, but many of my fics that deal with real life situations, I've been through.

So yes, I do write from experience. And again, on touchy subjects...As much as I love the Finder Series, the basis of their relationship is rape, so yes, I'll reflect my opinions in this story. It's fanfiction, i'm a fan and I write fiction. Rape isn't good, it's not love. Doesn't mean I hate the Finder Series, I like it a lot, but I also like exploring character's minds. I got creative with Akihito's. And like another reviewer mentioned, perhaps this instance is a time in which he allows himself to think of his situation and his position in Asami's life. Even the strongest people have their weakest moments, and I do believe, Aki did tell the Russians to just kill him if they were going to rape him. And again, back to the subject of rape. You idiots calling me a kid because I write fics that show a different side of Aki, a side that didn't like how he and Asami's relationship stemmed (from rape), are children yourselves (or yourself, because you're just one person). Rape isn't good in any instance, it never will be, and I hope that you don't think it is, because if so, I fear for your head.

And again, you don't like how touchy my subjects are? Than why the hell are you reading the Finder Series? It's full of suggestive material.

So you wouldn't think I was ignoring you or plainly didn't care, I wanted to write this for you. Yes, I support AkiXAsami 110%, I love those two. But that doesn't mean I can't write against that, I'm a very creative writer, and I've got enough reviews to back that up. And if you're going to spam me like you've been doing, at least have the audacity to log in and do it, because hey, my stories aren't going anywhere, sorry to burst your bubble, but they're just not. It's fan fiction. I'm a fan who likes writing fiction. Deal with it.

If you don't like my stories, skip them. If you don't, you can leave your childish reviews_I won't read them, i'll delete them. They're a waste of my time and a waste of yours.

Don't like my stories, don't read them. As simple as that. I'm not stopping just for you.

To all of you who do like my stories, thanks! And I am updating "Here's to you Aki," with a surprising twist SPOILER (Aki's not dead), so if all goes well, than I'll have that for you by the end of the night.

Anyway, have a nice week, God bless!


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: I decide to write Asami's P.O.V, because it only seemed fitting that his deeds were somewhat justified. On the brighter side, i'm updating Lego House, and Must be the Nargles this weekend, so if this story leaves you side and confused, you have those two to look forward to. This is just going to be a little short, not long, exactly like the first chapter. Again, if you don't like this angsty stuff, don't read it. It'll save you a lot of trouble. Also, sorry for any grammar mistakes. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Finder Series.**

So maybe he was a little bit of a control freak. Maybe he kept a hold of Takaba just a little too tightly.

He didn't want to hurt the boy, nor did he want Takaba to hate him. But he'd failed terribly at both personal goals, so terribly. Not only did he hurt Takaba, he continued to do so, night after night, day after day. He broke the boy, he made him his, and in return, he'd caused Takaba to hate him.

_No sacrifice no victory._

But what victory was there?

A caged pet was nothing but an eyesore and a burden, and an angry pet was much worse.

What did Asami want? A servant? A slave? Pleasure? Release? Sex?

_Love?_

He denied the four letter word and cursed it for it's spellbinding magic. Love had only betrayed him, it had hurt him and ruined him. His past had held tribute to the times he'd let love ruin him and to the times he'd tried to give his heart out again.

For every time his heart was broken, for every time his trust was shattered, he closed himself off from others, he grew more controlling, more silent, more guarded. .

He became the Asami Ryuichi which Takaba had come know.

And Asami could never let Takaba in, never. And perhaps that's the reason why this relationship had lasted, because Asami refused to let Takaba inside of his heart, thus evaporating any chances the photographer had of crushing him for good.

The heart was a fragile being, and love was the strongest weapon. It brought down the strongest and the most powerful. Asami was no exception.

Takaba would never get that chance to break Asami, yet, he'd never get the chance to leave either. Asami couldn't stand the thought of this_this being leaving him, and this is where he was at odds with himself.

Because truly, Takaba was more than a good fuck (not that he wasn't).

But there was something else, something that none of Asami's other partner's had showed to him. He could never put his finger on it though. Perhaps it was the extra time the photographer put into cooking his meals, the occasional head massages...or the way the rooms were cleaned when Asami got back from work, or how the laundry was neatly folded around the area_Or the fact that Takaba was just there waiting for Asami.

His other partners never did that, they just wanted money and sex. Takaba wanted neither.

So what was it he had that they didn't? Manners? That was a start, but it was more...care, consideration?

And at times like this, Asami found himself questioning what exactly what love was.

He was sure he'd seen it's cruel side, he'd felt it bring him to his knees, he'd felt it leave him alone.

So what did Takaba offer? Hate? Because surely, that was the opposite of love and trust, something he was sure he and his other partners exchanged.

Did he fear that Takaba was going to love him? Did he fear that he was going to love Takaba?

Yes, which is exactly why he kept him caged, why he kept him hurt and confused.

He couldn't have Takaba loving him, and he defiantly couldn't have Takaba leaving him.

He...valued the young man too much. He would never love him though, it was too risky, to dangerous.

So yes, maybe he was a little bit of a control freak. Maybe he kept a hold of Takaba just a little too tightly. But it was all for the best.

**When you've been told something is one thing for your entire life, and have no idea what it actually is, you turn out to be a confused person. You're ignorant of the real definition, and therefore act on what you know. Take racism for example.**

**In Asami's case, it's love. Whatever past relationships Asami had is up to the readers interpretation, but i'm sure they were terrible if Asami turned out the way he did. He's guarded for a reason, and I think it came with poor judgment and a bad experience. Break ups make people bitter.**

**Hope you liked this chapter, have a nice week, and God bless!  
**


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